Boiled Roots and Vegan Mayo.

by Unamás

A: You know I wouldn’t judge you at all for the ham…

B: (shy laughs) Sorry… I must have seemed like such a dumbass smuggling smoked turkey ham into my room…

A: You didn’t. It’s just really funny, you know? The politics of this house are all about safeness and openness, going through things together, dialogue and that stuff. We do drugs together till 6 am etc. We have like this open-minded affective (affectionate) agency instead of a classic flatmate relationship.

B: Well, I get you. But there are all these ethical problems with the meat, like we agree on the basics: eating animals is maybe not something to be proud of. I just have these awful cravings, I must have a lack of some basic nutrient, or an excess of melancholia.

A: Smoked Turkey Ham?

B: I don’t know, there’s something in the smoked skin. Those Christmas hams my dad used to gift to his company employees during Christmas Break. Some would end up at my home by mistake or by default. Thick pieces of ham that would become slimy at some point. I’m sure it must be related to the skin.

A: What about smoked tofu?.

B: Tofu skin?

A: Yeah, not super chewy. But what’s so great about it? Go chew some gum.

B: Smoked turkey chewing gum?

A: Cold turkey?

B: I actually like it cold. Or scrambled with eggs. But I obviously can’t secretly scramble some eggs with turkey without all of you noticing it. So yeah, cold turkey,

A: Microdosing?

B: Doesn’t really help.

A: Seitan?

B: Satan?

A: Come to the kitchen, I’ve made some Rosolli, wanna have some?

B: What was that?

A: Just this Christmasy Finnish salad made out of boiled root vegetables with vegan mayo or something like that.

(Adventitious) roots

Adventitious: coming from outside; not native // happening by accident; not planned.

Root vegetables: edible underground plant parts, generally storage organs, enlarged to store energy in the form of carbohydrates.

Yuca/cassava, yams, beets, parsnips, turnips, rutabagas, carrots, onions, garlic, celery root, daikon, turmeric, jicama, Jerusalem artichokes, radishes, ginger, tiquisque/Elephant ear/American taro, arracacha…

Sancocho (from the Spanish verb sancochar, "to parboil"): traditional soup in several Latin American cuisines. It usually consists of large pieces of meat, tubers and vegetables served in a broth.

Adventitious vegan sancocho: Dreaming of.

About the author

Latin-America/South Europe rooted, Helsinki-Kallio based. Diasporic and dysphoric nostalgic. Penumbra and unpublished writer driven by excessive social media overwhelm.